COPING WITH FAILURES

By Oluwaseun Atejioye

Everyone wants to be successful. I have never met anyone who purposely set out to be a failure. Undoubtedly, this is why so much has been written on the topic, “How to be Successful.” But most of us tend to forget the significance of failure in the process of being successful. We need to realize that without failure we would be less capable of compassion, empathy, kindness and great achievement. We would be less likely to reach for the moon and stars. We would always make the sky our limit instead of the sky to be our starting point.

Failure is inevitable in life. Failure is a necessary part of life. Denis Wantley once said that, “Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” And what is the point of being alive if you don’t at least try to do something remarkable. Job 14:1 says, “Man that is born of a woman is of few days, and full of trouble.” Failure is really inevitable in life. If you come out of a woman, you are programmed to experience failure and troubles in life, but the way we overcome these failures and use them to our advantage is what matters.

I have experience failure more times than I’d like to admit. And I’m not talking about small failures; I’m talking about the kind of failures that alters ones’ relationship with another person, the kind of failures that affect the mental well-being of an individual, the kind of failures that makes one to think death is the best solution to any problem. I have realized that when we experience difficulties in life we tend to get upset and disappointed, in which it is normal. We only need to know that we can’t stop obstacles from appearing or occurring in life, but we can only choose how to handle them. They may block our vision temporarily but if we persevere then we can discover opportunities that have always been waiting for us on the other side.

We admire successful people a lot, we discussed about their achievement but we fail to realize that they have failed so many times before they finally get to that stage. Michael Jordan, the famous successful basketball player once said that, “I’ve missed more than 9000shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300games. 26times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” Highly successful people are the ones who have failed the most.

Failure is a stepping stone. With failure, an individual gain more knowledge and experience, one has deeper understanding of what life is and clear meaning of what that kind of failure is all about. Also, the more we fail, the more resilient we become and the more we grow and mature as human beings.

Over the years I have realized why most people tend to be overcome by these failures, it is due to the mismanagement of failures. From my own experiences, I have been able to come up with some ways by which someone can manage ones’ failure and make the failure to be an advantage.

Firstly, you need to understand the fact that it is okay to fail. No matter the kind of failure that may have happened to you, you need to accept it. You need to understand it is not your final destination. It is a stepping stone in your journey that is getting you to where you need to be.

Remember you’re not a failure just because you had a setback. When you’ve had a setback it’s very easy to start thinking that you will always keep failing in this career of your life or in your relationship. It’s easy to start thinking you are indeed a failure. Don’t fall for this destructive thought.

You need to stop dwelling on the mistake or failure you may have committed. Don’t make it personal, separate the failure from your identity.

Be brutally honest with yourself. You need to reflect on what happened and why it happened. Most people will do anything to avoid confronting their own self with mistakes they’ve made. It is very common among student to say that a lecturer gave me “C or B’ but when the result is “A”, the student will not mistakenly say that the lecturer gave him “A”, you will rather hear something like I scored 85A. Albert Einstein said it was insane to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result. If we don’t learn from our mistakes and failures in life, then we are doomed to keep repeating them.

Be constructive and learn from this situation. You need to ask yourself some questions and be honest with yourself. What is one thing I can learn from this? How can I adapt my course to avoid making this same mistake again? What do I need to do better next time? What is one thing I need to do differently next time?

Let it out into the light and find inspiration and support from someone who have gone through such kind of experience. But be careful in sharing your failures or mistakes with just anybody. Make sure the person is an individual that will really help and support you.

Forget about what others will say about your mistakes. Often our fear of failure is rooted in our fear of being judged and losing others’ respect and self-esteem. You need to ignore this and focus on your failure.

In conclusion, if you are living carefully to avoid failure, then you are not helping yourself. If you want to succeed in life you need to fail and make mistakes. Thomas J. Watson said, “If you want to succeed, double your failure rate.”